I Like

Chocolate/Rings/Belts/Books/Chinese Fortune Sticks/Incense/Maps/Wawa Coffee/Bike Rides on Roads/Organized Mess/Movies/Magic/Quilts/Shells/Stained Glass/Eccentricity in People/Anime/Batman/Cute Boys/Tag/Trains/Bikes/Cars/Airplanes/Travel! Duh/Red Nail Polish/Tattoos/Art/Music/Pianos/Panda Bears/Home Made Baked Goods/Con Queso/Silence/Thunderstorms/Transformers/Sleep/Late Night Fridays with Caity/Applebee's/Eating Good Food/Nathaniel (Sometimes)/Learning/Huge Sunglasses/Laughing/Flowers/Lotion/Big Earrings/Jeans/Tee Shirts/Becca's Baby/The OC/Youth Group/World Religions/Freckles/My Eyes/Culture/Being Happy!/Globes/Concerts/Dracula/Narnia/Cigars/My Camera/Lauren Dabal's Pictures/The Feeling That You Get When You Go Somewhere New/Dr. Pepper/Say Anything/My Bed/Fire/Love Stories/Any Stories/Luigi's Mansion/Black Cherry Smirnoff/Harry Potter/Faint Sun Burn/Garden Stores/Manning's Ice Cream/Eyelashes/Sharpies/The Feeling That You Get When You're Driving Home Late At Night From The Movies or Whatever and You Just Want to Keep Driving In The Opposite Direction/Empty Bottles/Baby Powder/Trees/Pictures/The Smell of My Chemistry Classroom/Getting Dressed Up/Black Cats/Shopping/Sushi/Japan/Bagels/Ginger Burkhart/Soft Skin/Being Weird/Josh Stuppi?/Being Way Less Judgmental Than Tadd Seems to Think/A Certain Orange Couch/Love Shack/Pike Place Market/Lyrical/My New Dry Erase Calendar/Eating Dinner with My Family/Snow Days/Milk Shakes/Adventure/Blockbuster

On the Defensive

The walls are up again. And I'm okay with that. 

I'm afraid of so many things, but at least I know what they are now. 

I'm cordial. I'm going to do what I want. And what everyone else wants. I'm cordial.

Don't Worry

I'm strangely happier than I've been in a while.

Withdrawn

I'm insane. Out of my mind, but mostly in it.

Broken

I think I heard something snap inside. Something's wrong with me. 

I don't think anyone can fix it, because no one's around. 

It's up to me.

Over

So this year changed everything. There's a reason I called this blog a Change of Pace. Because everything is different, and I hate it. It was probably the hardest year I've been through yet. School was crazy, I got the most work I've ever gotten. I was pushed to my limit. Two of my friends fell in love, with each other, at least they think. But no one really actually knows. I became a best friend, and then became not a best friend. I got a tattoo. I learned how to look cute, and that usually I don't care about looking cute (haha). I learned what makes me tick. I learned what I need to change about myself. That's probably the longest, saddest list of them all. 

That's why I think this summer will change everything. Probably not for the better, but here's hoping. 

Summer Goals!

In no particular order of importance:

1. Get in shape.

a. Via bike (mostly).

2. Read all the books on my list (plus some).

3. Go to the beach at least five times.

a. At least attempt to get a bit tan...

4. Learn how to drive (way better).

5. Start collecting bumper stickers.

6. Sew up a few clothing items.

7. Say yes.

This Time Around*

This summer is going to be the one that changes everything. I can feel it.

*Really, I'm pretty sure this time.

Humiliatingly Ordinary

I was wrong about myself, all of you were right. I'm exactly who you think I am. I do not hold any secrets. What you see, is what you get. 

I'm disappointed, I thought, perhaps, I was different.

Facelift

I'm apprehensive, but the end result will be beautiful.

Maybe

Maybe things will actually be okay, instead of me just saying that everything is fine. At least I hope so.

Worn

I'm so tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally. 

Done. So done.

There's so much in my head that needs to get out. I need more space.

I feel like the Velveteen Rabbit, but no boy and no fairy. Just worn out, but not real.

Todoke, Todoke.

Keep going, Keep going.

Little Babies!

So I'm just a big kid.

I'm actually really immature.

I'm lazy, I watch cartoons, I can't grasp reality, my best friend is thirteen, I still can't drive, I don't have a job, I have vague plans for the future, my room is messy, I cry over stupid things, my parents still pay for everything I buy, I get excited for birthday parties, I play video games, etc. etc. 

I'm about ten percent teenager. Which is pretty ridiculous, since that's my actual age. 

And I'm about ten percent adult. Just because of my friends.

But, I don't really see why everyone just pretends to be so mature.* Everyone wants to grow up so fast. And I can definitely see the perks to getting out of high school. And driving is good too. But you can still be a kid and be responsible. Granted, most kids aren't very responsible. That's why we should find the balance. If we're just all serious all the time, that's annoying. If we're all ditzy all the time, that's annoying also. Even if we're fun all the time it will get annoying. So we can be serious at the times that it's right and fun when it's not. (Honestly though if we could just cut ditzy out that'd be sweet.) 

Doesn't everyone say they want to still be kids and they miss their childhood? Well then who's to say that we can't all be kids at heart. 

I mean eventually I'll have to get a job and pay for my own stuff. Get solid plans for the future and probably control my emotions better... 

But really, what's so bad about watching cartoons? Reading children's books? Playing video games? 

What's the harm at being immature while doing those things, when you're able to be perfectly mature when it comes to important things? 

Anyways thanks for listening to my rant. This probably makes no sense at all, but I haven't posted anything in awhile. So I figured What the Hell?

*I just find it really annoying how some people think that they're being really mature by having jobs and having a serious plan for the future, but when it actually comes down to some of the issues they're faced with right now, they're at a loss. 

Or when they think they're mature and they then go and hurt someone for no reason. 

I guess everyone can do this at any age... But it still bothers me. 

I probably shouldn't even be talking because I probably do this without even realizing.