Harry Potter

I've watched so much Harry Potter this week I think I'm picking up an accent.

So excited for Half-Blood Prince!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Julie and Julia

So can I just say really quickly that the movie Julie and Julia looks amazing! I know who Julia Childs is but I've never watched her shows or actually listened to her, I only remember hearing about her dying, actually. Yet, this movie looks freakin' awesome! Count down until it comes out! :) 

A Laughing Matter

What I need is integrity. I just don't know how to go about it. Hmm..

Meanwhile

I think about myself way too much. haha

Yeah,

it's definitely official. I'm seriously messed up. I'm a mean person, and I try so, so, so hard to not be and then it all goes to shit. I'm not going to argue my point on anything anymore, because, usually, it just makes me look like the biggest bitch ever. 

This is so shallow.

I fucked up. And I just can't seem to stop. I'm trying so hard to not fuck up.

Exasperated, you'd think I would implode. Maybe I did. 

I need a distraction. I need to forget. I need to remember.

I need to prove myself by trying to be right all the time because that's the only thing I have going for me. I suck at everything pretty much. I'm ugly and fat.

I also think that I'm not as smart as I want to believe, which scares me to death. Because if I'm not smart, then I'm not anything.

I'm not nice, I'm not pretty.

Yeah sure I can listen, but I can't be trusted. 

I try to tell you guys stuff, Caity and Mel, and I feel like everything I say just gets totally shot down every time. I'm trying to be prettier. Get thinner. But all I get is 

"Uhh, no, that won't work."

"Do this instead."

I can't! 

I can't. I'm trying to do what I can to be better. I just wish you guys could see that. 

Kayla just seems easier to talk to because she just always sits there and listens and somehow finds the positive thing in it. 

I know you learn the most from someone you disagree with, but sometimes, I just wish someone would get it. 

I just miss so, so, so, so much the way things used to be with Mel and me. 

Why would anyone love me? My heart is black, and a quarter of it was shattered and it healed crookedly. I'm bitter. I think that certain parts of your heart can be broken at different times. One part is missing all together, I figure that's for my "true love" or whatever. One part is for my family, and that's still intact. One part is for your best friend, which is crooked like I said before. And then the left over goes to everyone or everything else. And I think that's still intact. So what, I only have half of a heart? That's stupid.

All I know is that I'm sad all of the time. And none of this probably makes any sense. I guess I figured I'd just say it. Instead of finding some classier way to spell it out. Because I really have nothing else to lose from this being read.

Toy Story,

my story.